Thursday, December 4, 2008

An Idiot's Guide to carrying your gat

Recently, Plaxico Burress wounded himself carrying his .45 pistol, landing in big trouble with the police and NFL. .45 is a big round, which will do you a lot of damage. To help prevent further such injuries, here's an idiot's guide to carrying your gat:

So, you want to carry your heat with you. Why not? You never know when you're going to end up in a Toys R Us with a sawed off runt willing to throw down over an excited conversation. There are several things to consider before you run around with your gat in your pants.

1. Concealed carry permits are a good thing. They help keep you from going to jail. Start by discussing the availability of these with your local Sheriff or Police Chief. You're a celebrity. They'll usually issue to celebrities. You don't have to tell your friends you're carrying legal--you can keep up that dangerous criminal aura by not flashing your permit. You're still strapped.

2. You don't need a .45. Some people will tell you they're the only thing that will drop the other gangstah when he gets up in yoh grill. It's not true. They're heavy, hard to carry in anything but a traditional holster and very likely to slide down your pantleg. The subcompact models kick like a mule so you end up missing unless you spend a lot of time at a range practicing. What ganstah has time for the range? Get yourself a nice .38 auto or 9mm. They're lighter, smaller and will get the job done.

3. Get yourself a proper holster. It's not as cool as walking around with your gat in your waistband, but you end up not blowing your boys off. Concealed carry holsters fit inside the waist of your pants, and give your gat the proper support it needs. It's like wearing your jock strap in to the big game. You don't let precious and potentially dangerous junk flap around like a circus clown on a roller coaster. You don't aim a gun at anything you don't mind having destroyed, and you want to keep your junk!

4. Son, leave your safety on. Unless you really expect trouble from your nether regions, your safety does not need to be off until you actually draw the gat! A little practice and you can draw and flip the safety off almost as quickly as you can blow a hole in your leg.

5. Wear better pants. It's not just a great New Year's resolution, it's vital to supporting your piece. if you can't wear a belt, you've got the wrong trousers for walking around strapped.

Follow these simple steps, and you can avoid a lifetime of explaining to potential girlfriends why you're no longer a man.

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